When planning a wedding, few brides consider science beyond their relationship with their soon-to-be spouse. A recent bride and a professor at Miami University Regret Lab who teaches classes about decision-making, I am familiar with the many strategies that decision and psychological science can offer to help you feel happy about your wedding-planning choices and enjoy your day. These are some suggestions.
You will be less satisfied if you try to find the “absolute best”.
There are two options for making a decision: either picking the perfect option or choosing one that is close to their standards and requirements. The psychologist Barry Schwartz and his colleagues found that people are happier when using the second strategy. After all, it’s impossible to know if there isn’t another cake, venue, or fill-in-the-blank that’s just a little better than what you have. Second-guessing can drain your energy, time, and spirit. I purchased a dress I liked, which was within my budget when I saw it. I also reminded myself that there were likely to be dozens of ivory lace sheaths that would make me happier than the one I had.
There are fewer options that satisfy.
Columbia University’s Dr. Sheena Sheena Iyengar conducted a study in which people were allowed to try a variety of jam brands. The study found that people with fewer options liked jam more and were more likely to buy jars. Those who had more choices were less confident making a purchase. In no small part, I chose to work alongside a wedding coordinator because she could help me narrow down my options. Instead of meeting with every florist in the area, I met with only the three that she recommended. They were different, and I felt more confident than if there had been 10 of them.
You have a lot of options. Don’t let your mind wander.
The Netherlands’ researchers looked at various approaches to making important decisions. They discovered that those who took the time to think before making a decision were more satisfied with the outcome. You can let go of the judgment wheels and focus on something else, like a walk, book, or work project. This will allow you to have more “unconscious” thinking, which can help you process your feelings differently, leading to better outcomes. If you are unsure about where to get married, you can go to a movie, then discuss your feelings over dinner.
Instead of focusing on things, focus on the experience.
Cornell University researchers found that people are happier making “experiential” purchases such as concerts than with material purchases. Instead of spending money on new linens and chairs, we decided to spend our budget on a craft bartender. We also had an “experiential favor” — strips from a photo booth that served as our guest book.
Nerves and audiences can help you if you are an expert, but they can hurt you if you are a beginner.
Are you unsure about writing your vows? Research shows that having an audience helps us feel more confident in certain areas. You’re more likely to shine brighter on the big day if you and your fiancé are experienced, public speakers. Consider another route if you hate the moment when everyone shouts their name in meetings.
